1/29/07

To be honest , I wish I could say I enjoyed the class on Monday but I left so frustrated. There would be a moment in the class where I would feel as if I am getting it; however, that was shot down quickly. The most important thing I learned is how frustrating communication is. Every time I talk to someone I want to use questions, and that is not the most effective way. Brother Adams said, "We get so caught up in What is... is important to us not about what is important to them." I guess in order to have the mind set of empathic listening, we need to rephrase content accurately and never probe. Probing is only effective when trust is high and emotion is low. Also, he talked about setting a space between stimulus and response. Too often we react to situations instead of using that space to be proactive in our thinking. When we are proactive in our thoughts, we can communicate with others more effectively instead of just efficiently. I have noticed in my life, when I am proactive I am happier and that attitude affects other in a positive way.

1/26/07

On Friday Brother Adams mentioned something that has stuck with me and that I want to and need to apply in my life. He sadi that we need to work with people effectivly and with things efficiently. Too often, we tend to try and fix the problem on the spot but don’t really effectivly find the best solution. We are too concerned about fixing the problem immedietly. Also, we had started the topic on Wednesday, but we viewed situtions on Friday of how this applied.
A-advise
P-probe
I-interpret
E-evaluate
When someone comes to us with a problem we often use one or all of these to find a soultion. By using these, we are thinking about ourselves and not really empathicaly listening to what the person is really feeling. I know in my life, I have a roommate who is depressed all the time. She does not even know why she is feeling this way. Everyday we will talk and I try to probe by asking her questions which results in me evaulating her condition and in return giving her advise to solve the problem. So badly I want to her bo happy, but gving her a solution that I have evauated does not help the situation. I simply need to be there for her to talk to and confide in.

1/24/07

The past couple of weeks my roommates and I have been having major communication issues. We have talked about our issues but our trust we have for one another is very low. A few weeks ago, our communication line started to die down and that is when the trust began to go low. Then, is consequnce to that happening, our emotions began to rise. This only led to us not speaking, and finally when we did approach the subject, emotions were so high that we didn’t accomplish much in our disscion. Time progressed and our trust for one another grew enabling us to communicate better, and speak freely without problems. Our disscusion on Monday helped me realize who important it is to have trust in every setting, and especailly in your apartments. Also, I learned the steps of active listening. Too often I activly listen and want to solve the problem right away. I tend to think of a solution to the problem and not empathize with them instead. Although it is very hard to avoid using my habit of fixing the problem, I have realized how important empathic listening really this. When you do this, the trust also grows between you and the other person. I hope to contuine to use this tactic of listening to better my relationships.

1/22/07

Our class today opened my eyes on how I view my emotions. Often in a relationship, I want to be in control. I have never had a controling nature, but I didn’t know why I had the urge to be in control until I heard the saying, out of fear we go to control and it leads to repel people. I am affraid of gettting my heart broken, so I often don’t let anyone else in. Also, I have a list of what I want my husband to be like. I have physical and personality traits that I want him to live up to; however, in class we learned if we resist it, then it will persist. If you are so opposed to it, you will draw it. The quailty I have to have in a guy is a great smile, and I didn’t know why I liked this guy so much because his teeth are not straight at all. It’s just funny how this applies to my own life. Lastly, I learned that "you don’t need to control other people’s happiness." I stress myself out into pleasing other people that I often end up making myself unhappy. However, I need to create a wonderful day for myself, and not worry about pleasing everyone else. I can’t be concerned about what others think, and start enjoying and living life for myself.