Interpersonal Conflict

In every relationship, there is bound to be conflict. What you do with that conflict and how you react towards it determines whether the relationship is strenghtened or weakened. Conflict can be one of the best things for a relationship if it is handled well. Although conflict may be good, some people shy away from it for certain reasons. I know from personal experience I feel if I bring up the problem it will only end in a blow out, instead of a healthy converstation. Then, if I don't bring it up, then I will be able to get over the problem without invoving any other people. Often with conflict, I avoid the situation or I tend to blame the other people. All this does is build tension. I know in the dorms, we often try and vent to other people. This only leads to competition between roommates and friends. When trying to solve a conflict, we can't just shut down or dominate the conversation. Both parties need to feel like they have won in the situation in order to accomplish something. Again in my dorm, there is a lot on conflict and it gets frusterating because we never get anything done. We may solve a conflict that day, but then it is brought up either later that week or next week. In the article it says that we need to relfect a certain situation, and then changed the behavior that we can. In preventing conflict, it is all about compromise and understanding. If we use empathic listening and really care about the other person, then it will be easier to compromise with the other person. That way, the conflict will be either resolved or not even begin.

2/9

Today in class we talked about emotions in communication. We got with a partner and one person went to hit the other person. Then, the person getting hit was able to react in whatever way they wanted. Some just took the hit, some deflected it, and some tried to hit back. In this excerise we noticed how we handle situations. Some of us get defensive while others just hear what person has to say. Then, we used the other persons emotion and used that to deflect the punch. This used little of our energy but the other person was still able to get out their feelings. This demonstrated empathic listening. If we just rephrase thier content then can't blame us for their problems. Sooner or later will will get tired or run out of emotion. It does not take a lot of energy to listen, but we need to learn how to do it.

2/12

In the movie clip today, it showed many great forms of listening. They had a talking stick which made it hard to blurt out an opinion. Also, it forced them to listen to each other in a certain way. Today, we participated in a lot of role plays. The first role play was about a dog barking at night. During this role play, I was annoyed with by neighbor and I wanted to let him know how I was feel. Even though we were both empathically listening, I felt as if we did not get anything accomplished. Neither one of us wanted to compromise, and so we just repeated what each other had to say without any emotion. However, the second role play I put more emotion in solving the problem. I really tried to understand how the other person in the situation was feeling. This time we got more accomplished, and I could feel that the trust in the relationship also grew. This will make is easiler next time to talk to that person. It was very effective to participate today in class. The small role plays are very good for learning and growing.

2/4/07

In the article I read, it referred to empathic listening as reflective listening. It starts out by explaining why it is so important to use and gain as a skill. It is also helpful for someone who is a third party in a conversation. Not only does it help them get both sides of an argument, but it also helps them stay in a neutral zone. When we use empathic listening effectively, we gain trust and understanding. The person can sense when we have our own agenda or we really want to help them. Also, when reflecting and rephrasing, the other person is more likely to open up and express what they are really feeling. It reduces the awkward tension during the conversation, and creates a safe environment.
In order to effectively listen, you have to been willing to let the other person dominate the conversation, and you simply meditate about what they are saying. Use open-ended questions, and not to interpret what you think they are trying to say to you. Be open minded, but be in the conversation. Reflect back what they are saying, and but their emotion into the conversation. Be emotionally in the conversation without stating your own opinion. Your goal while empathically listening is to lift the person up, and help them reach the solution in their head. When you do this well, the person will have a greater confidence and reduced stress. Also, it will help build trust in the relationship, and you will benefit through their information they share with you. Once this skill is mastered, your communication will be more effective and your relationships will become more meaningful.

2/7/07

On Wednesday in class we continued our talk and our role play. Ellie did a great job in the role play in rephrasing what Brother Adams said. Also, we talked about the seven habbits which are
1. Be proactive
2. Begin with the end in mind
3. Put first things first
4. Think win/win or no deal
5. Seek first to understand and then to be understood
6. Synergize
7. Sharpen the Saw
With these steps they will help us use empathic listening enabling us to be better communicators. We need to embrace people’s differences and we will be able to feel for them and understand them.

2/2/07

On Friday in class we continued our learning of empathic listening. Brother Adams referred to listening as an iceberg. The skill which is the tip of the iceberg is usually the only part that’s seen. The underlining is your attitude towards the situation. Empathic listening is crucial when trust is low and emotion is high. You should never tell someone what to do, just listen. They will find out their own answer by communicating with you. We also learned in class that pride is enmity between you and another person. When listening you need to put your agenda aside and focus on theirs. Right now we are in the stage of conscious competence. We understand why it is essential to use empathic listening, however it is very uncomfortable for us to do. Often in the role play we get frustrated and want to probe, but we need to be patient. Lastly, we talked about our emotional bank account. It is essential to make many deposits and try to not have any withdrawals. One way to increase our EBA is to be loyal and keep our commitments.